DOG. No way! This was my mind set on having a family dog. Caring and providing for our daughter Abigail takes up so much of our time, how could we possibly take on a dog! Yes, this was my declaration, until I met Gracie.

First, it was the warmth I felt when I pet her behind the ears for the first time. My heart experienced nurturing massage, a cleansing, the start of a thaw. We then went with her owner-Mama for a walk in my neighborhood woods where she played like a happy dog, tromped around, interacted with us, stayed close and when it was time to walk back home she was right there for her leash. What finally took me over the edge was her gesture to me, she leaned her head against my leg and kept it there looking up at me, my mind did a complete flip, I lost my grip, and began to fell into this hopefulness swirl of now wanting a dog for my family.

Right now you may be asking yourselves. Why didn’t she just shake it off? Dig deeper with her heals and climb out of that slipper slope as fast she could! Pull that annoying hook out, there’s still time! Just come to your senses lady, and move on!  The answer is I was stunned,disoriented, and I liked the feelings.

Next, my mind began to present me with logical puzzle pieces that I’d never thought of before. And, every piece fit perfectly together to the next, so by the time I spoke to my husband  I was scheming for a dog.

The first puzzle piece came from my all-most 16 year old son’s (((squeal))), when I described Gracie and my experiences. He said, “Mom, it would be amazing to pet a dog, it would relieve so much stress in me.” Looking back this was the most important puzzle piece I needed to receive. He sensed this need, I saw how this need help my special needs family. A well tempered dog could give us all a form of comfort, connection and love that would help soften the rough edges of autism.

This description “rough edges of autism” sounds harsh when I read it back, like Abigail’s disability is messing us up. I think what I’m mean is that our everyday learning, grieving, work, advocacy, acceptance, constrictions has been adding up over these 13 years and now it’s tough to keep rolling along with a spring in your step. I think it could be called ‘care giver burnout’. Perhaps this pup can sniff us in a new direction to soften our daily living. Could this pup help us all, caregivers and our autistic child?

Years ago we thought about a dog for Abigail, perhaps a therapy dog, we even looked into it, then I got overwhelmed by the process and dropped the idea. My thoughts right now are that we may need this dog more then Abigail does. We may need to soften the rough edges of autism with a pet we all can love. Bring some fuzzy chaos to distract us from the rigor of raising an autistic child. We can feel so isolated, trapped, confined to a rigid routine, so let’s mix it up with a permanent guest that could lighten the load with unconditional love. We hope Abigail will connect with the dog. My mind shows a movie of her sitting next to an adult dog with her fingers resting in it’s fur. I know she will be interested in what this dog is up to, and she will be able to practice saying “dog” , and perhaps we can have her participate in a puppy training class.

By the time I spoke to my husband I was very convincing. He listened, took it in, and by the next morning he agreed we needed to try, and asked me to find out more. That’s all I needed to hear…

Later that day when I had the house to myself I called the breeder, she had a female, same euro-cream variety as Gracie that is known for it’s calm disposition. We flinched at the cost, but all I could hear was our son’s squeal to write the check, mail it right away to secure this puppy. We are a special needs family now, with a child that is acutely affected by her environment so we have become cautious, Gracie helped me see there may be a particular breed that could fit our needs.

We’ll pick up our fuzzy girl tomorrow! Our almost 16 year old doesn’t know, it has become a surprise for his birthday. We’ve gotten a lot of generous help from Gracie’s mom: the crate, play pen, Vet recommendation, puppy book, and so much more. She paved the way for us to take this on, THANK YOU Gracie-Mama!

All the stuff is covered up in our basement with strict “don’t – look” instructions.  He doesn’t have a clue!

We’ve lined up respite support for Abigail so we can take on the two hour ride up north to pick up our pup. An early birthday breakfast tomorrow morning, then we’re off. At some point on our ride we’ll tell him the news, so we can all ((squeal)) together.

My hope here is to keep you posted on how this doggy adventure goes for Abigail and all of us. It’s a huge step for us. We really can’t have big unknowns in our house hold right now, Gracie showed me that her make and model could work, so I’m putting my trust on that warm, heart message and my son’s ((squeal))!  My hope my hunch is right and this puppy love will spread to our whole family, reach Abigail one puppy moment at a time.

a puppy adventure…stay tuned!

Celeste